This post is different from everything else on my blog but I needed a safe place for my words and thoughts, so here we go.
Ever since I can remember my friends and I, both white and black, have joked about me being "white." I talk "white," I went to "white" schools, listen to "white" music, dress "white" and like other things that white people like. I'm guilty of joking about it but it's funny because it's quite obvious that I'm black and in no way ashamed of it.
But last night I got a painful reminder of my blackness, one I could have lived without. Someone starting angrily using the "N-word" and they used it several times even as people encouraged him to stop. As the only black person there I sat in awe, thinking that this wasn't really happening. But it was and I quickly exited the premises to make my way home. As I walked out the room, in my Jenna Lyons' costume, decked out in J.Crew (just about as white as you can get fashion-wise), tears swelled in my eyes. I don't live in some bubble where I think we live in a post-racial society but it was all so overwhelming for me. Before I could get into my car, the anger, hate, fear, and hurt made it's way out in an uncontrollable flood.
I'm white, I act white, I talk white, all until someone chooses to use a word that degrades my very existence, the very existence of so many people that I love. I am still battling with these emotions, trying to make sense of it all.
There is no explanation, there is no excuse. I have never forgotten that I'm black and I have never needed a reminder, but last night was the most painful of reminders and my heart still hurts.
A day later and I'm wondering should I have stood up for myself, what does it look like to stand up for yourself in that kind of horrible situation?
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sometimes I go shopping and completely spaz out when I see something. That was most definitely the case when I spotted this luxurious leather top from Gianni Bini. I was even more elated when I spotted the sale price tag, the top originally started at $90 but by the time we met, it was down to $32. I quickly tried it on and skipped to the register. These shoes are the other all-stars of this look, I snagged them last year from Nastgal and I absolutely love them. I haven't spotted this print on the internet since I bought them last November but luckily you can still find the shoe, just in different colors. I'm thinking I might want to snag an all black pair before they stop making them. I won't start lamenting over how much I'll miss just yet, I'll just try to transition into Fall a little at a time. Also, I was apprehensive to try this hairstyle that I've seen all over the web and Instagram but I must say that it's my new favorite. Have you tried it yet?
Monday, May 19, 2014
Dress: Target | Bag: Target | Shoes: Calvin Klein | Watch: Target | Necklace: River Island
Over the last few years I've really learned to love a good maxi dress. While I once feared that they would consume my short stature, I now know that the right one can actually elongate my less than statuesque frame. While roaming around the aisles at Target, I happened upon this lovely dress which also happened to be on clearance. It was really a no-brainer. I was pleased to find that it wasn't terribly long, nothing a pair of heels wouldn't fix. I sported a pair of my favorite pumps to church but decided to throw on a pair of kicks for an evening of hanging out with my friends. I've gone through a few periods in my life when I thought wearing tennis shoes just wasn't fashionable and wouldn't be caught dead in them, and there have been other times when it seems I have an abundance of the comfortable alternative. I am currently in the latter phase and honestly, I love giving my feet a break from time to time. Don't get me wrong, of course I still love my platforms and stilettos but sometimes I have to show my feet some love.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Dress: Phillip Lim for Target | Shoes: Zara | Bag: Kate Spade
I'm notorious for a few things and forgetting about clothes that I've purchased is one of those things. I often purchase something and forget about its existence while it silently sits in my closet, waiting for a chance in the spotlight. I ended up buying so many of the Phillip Lim for Target dresses that I think I lost track of which ones I'd gotten. Well I found this dress just in time for Resurrection Sunday. Now when I was a kid, my sisters and I were decked out in the whitest of dresses and adorned in the laciest lace but now that I'm an adult I take a more subtle approach to the whole "Easter Dress" concept. I knew this beautiful holiday would be the perfect time to wear this beautifully colored and beautifully cut dress. It's simple and sweet and I can't believe I almost forgot about it.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Top: Madewell | Bottoms: Target | Shoes: Shoedazzle | Bag: Steve Madden | Watch: ASOS |
I've had this top for a while now and like most of my clothes, it got a little lost in the shuffle. But since the weather is going through that painfully annoying transition phase, the timing seemed just right. I was concerned that I would need a lot of assistance getting into this top but much to my surprise, I managed. That is not to say that I did not get a little wild from time to time and loosen a snap, but I also recovered. Also, let's take a moment to talk about these gorgeous booties!! I've recently developed a Shoedazzle problem, and these shoes are one of my many recent purchases. When I ordered them I knew I would like them but I had no idea that I would LOVE them. They are gorgeous and actually really comfortable, they'll also be a nice transitional piece while we're stuck in weather-limbo. Since they're pretty edgy, I loved pairing them with this super girly top for a nice contrast. Oh and did I mention that I only got them for $9.95? Sorry friends, I checked and the beautiful beauties are no longer on the website.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Shoes: Target | Pants: Target | Jacket: Ann Taylor (Only a couple of sizes left online) | Bag: Kate Spade
If there are two things that I love in this world, it's sequins and a good sale. I'm even more elated if the two are joined in a beautiful matrimony. I probably shouldn't have been in Ann Taylor but if we're being honest, I should never be anywhere where anything is sold but that's another story. As soon as I saw this jacket I knew we would be friends, it was just one of those pieces that drew me in instantly. I was just sure that it was going to be way out of my budget but I was pleasantly surprised to see a $69.99 price tag and take an extra 60% off that. After I found my size and tried it on, I was officially on a shopping high. I was so pleased that I decided to ignore J. Crew's siren call from across the shopping center, I guess there's a first time for everything.
Monday, February 24, 2014
I have lamented long enough of how I despise cold weather, I'm just not suited for such conditions. I have been loving the slightly warmer weather we've had the past few days but as I recently tweeted, I have trust issues so I'm not ready to get my hopes up. I know we're not quite out of the woods yet. But since we're having this nice transitional weather I thought it'd be the perfect time to break out this blazer and these shoes.
P.S. Shout out to my mom for the cute post title